Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Clueless at every turn

When did I become so damn indecisive and unsure. Ok, yes, I'm making myself very vulnerable here.  Things that don't have a clear answer to or situations where I haven't been in cause me stress. This hand, that hand and before I make a decision I have 1000 hands that don't agree. I end up doing an eenie-meenie-miney-mo and the outcome is a crap shoot. 

Today, I have a three fold dilemma. Been seeing this guy for a month now. not seeing anyone else, no interest. From all signs we are an item and I want to say he's my boyfriend but I don't want to assume either. We all know what assuming does...
We talk on and off all day via text, talk at night via text or phone until we fall asleep. We see each other at every opportunity. He has been upping the sweet talk. How much he likes me, he misses me, he's thinking of me, and here's the swoon point  - How thankful he is that I'm in his life. WOW! Major bonus points on that. Every date we have had has lasted 8 hours or more. We have a blast and so many inside jokes already, I lost count.

When do I bring up the What-are-we  conversation? How do I approach it? Given the "talk" goes well, when should I introduce him to my kids and how? That last one is a heavy one.  
I don't keep it a secret that mommy dates. Their dad is getting married next month. They have seen a picture of the new guy and know his name. Reagan has already asked to meet him. Kennedie is still asking about my ex-bf and when she can visit him. I have honestly told her several times we are no longer in touch. I figure honesty is the best answer. That relationship ended because he couldn't relate to my kids and I saw pretty early on that it wasn't going to work. I let the relationship continue for the wrong reasons longer than it should have and I learned a lot. That being said...

I have read 2 lengthy blog entries to these topics by 2 single moms taking vastly different approaches and both give lengthy detailed arguments to their points. First article was "Type A" approach. the G-rated approach; The kids-are-made-of-glass-and-live-under-rocks approach. Basically after 6 months of dating you introduce the guy as a friend in a group setting and you do that several times like a chaperoned date. Um..who's got time for that? How a guy relates to your kids is a huge deal and don't you want to know before investing 6 months  and getting close just to find out he doesn't fit? if it doesn't work it doesn't work. i agree more with the 2nd article. My kids know I date, They can see I can survive a relationship ending and its not the end of the world. They can see that I will choose them over a guy every time. You can't make a relationship work every time. Seeing how a guy meshes with your kids is a huge clue if there is a future. I think if I can get my kids and his kid together we have more opportunities to see each other. Also how he reacts to my girls I can see if he is as amazing in reality as he is in my mind's eye. I don't want to get too hurt and fall for a guy just to have to let him go or get scared off 6 months in. I also want to be able to see him even though I have my kids. Right now it feels like we are going around our kids. ON THE OTHER HAND.. see this is how my mind works. I can't force him to be comfortable with my pace of things. I'm always scared to bring this up thinking that just broaching the subject is going to have him running for the hills. Mainly because I know I will get nervous and fumble my words and not articulate it correctly. 

I stand in my way out of fear. Not fear of outcome but fear of just articulating what i KNOW I want to say. I know what i want. Yes i am scared he'll cut and run. and I'll be hurt.  But my intention is to find out what this is and to make the future, if there is any, easier.

back to driving myself crazy
i'll write about the outcome. Wish me luck

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