Clueless at every turn

When did I become so damn indecisive and unsure. Ok, yes, I'm making myself very vulnerable here.  Things that don't have a clear answer to or situations where I haven't been in cause me stress. This hand, that hand and before I make a decision I have 1000 hands that don't agree. I end up doing an eenie-meenie-miney-mo and the outcome is a crap shoot. 

Today, I have a three fold dilemma. Been seeing this guy for a month now. not seeing anyone else, no interest. From all signs we are an item and I want to say he's my boyfriend but I don't want to assume either. We all know what assuming does...
We talk on and off all day via text, talk at night via text or phone until we fall asleep. We see each other at every opportunity. He has been upping the sweet talk. How much he likes me, he misses me, he's thinking of me, and here's the swoon point  - How thankful he is that I'm in his life. WOW! Major bonus points on that. Every date we have had has lasted 8 hours or more. We have a blast and so many inside jokes already, I lost count.

When do I bring up the What-are-we  conversation? How do I approach it? Given the "talk" goes well, when should I introduce him to my kids and how? That last one is a heavy one.  
I don't keep it a secret that mommy dates. Their dad is getting married next month. They have seen a picture of the new guy and know his name. Reagan has already asked to meet him. Kennedie is still asking about my ex-bf and when she can visit him. I have honestly told her several times we are no longer in touch. I figure honesty is the best answer. That relationship ended because he couldn't relate to my kids and I saw pretty early on that it wasn't going to work. I let the relationship continue for the wrong reasons longer than it should have and I learned a lot. That being said...

I have read 2 lengthy blog entries to these topics by 2 single moms taking vastly different approaches and both give lengthy detailed arguments to their points. First article was "Type A" approach. the G-rated approach; The kids-are-made-of-glass-and-live-under-rocks approach. Basically after 6 months of dating you introduce the guy as a friend in a group setting and you do that several times like a chaperoned date. Um..who's got time for that? How a guy relates to your kids is a huge deal and don't you want to know before investing 6 months  and getting close just to find out he doesn't fit? if it doesn't work it doesn't work. i agree more with the 2nd article. My kids know I date, They can see I can survive a relationship ending and its not the end of the world. They can see that I will choose them over a guy every time. You can't make a relationship work every time. Seeing how a guy meshes with your kids is a huge clue if there is a future. I think if I can get my kids and his kid together we have more opportunities to see each other. Also how he reacts to my girls I can see if he is as amazing in reality as he is in my mind's eye. I don't want to get too hurt and fall for a guy just to have to let him go or get scared off 6 months in. I also want to be able to see him even though I have my kids. Right now it feels like we are going around our kids. ON THE OTHER HAND.. see this is how my mind works. I can't force him to be comfortable with my pace of things. I'm always scared to bring this up thinking that just broaching the subject is going to have him running for the hills. Mainly because I know I will get nervous and fumble my words and not articulate it correctly. 

I stand in my way out of fear. Not fear of outcome but fear of just articulating what i KNOW I want to say. I know what i want. Yes i am scared he'll cut and run. and I'll be hurt.  But my intention is to find out what this is and to make the future, if there is any, easier.

*sigh*
back to driving myself crazy
i'll write about the outcome. Wish me luck
 

The Dating culture today in general, sucks

Ok. So I'm back to dating again... ugh... I don't know why I do this to myself. Before I got married, Dating was stressful and now there's a whole new culture out there. The "hook-up" culture which goes against all my natural instincts in dating and dating goals. I feel like an empath in a sea of narcissists.

I'm a full time mom of 2 girls and have limited "me" time. This makes the already difficult challenges of dating, more difficult. I have seen the conveniences of technology turn our already impatient culture into a culture of instant gratification. "Give me what I want now or I walk. Once I get what I want I'm going to walk anyway". Doesn't anyone take the time to get to know one another anymore?
And yeah while texting is convenient we've gotten into a rut of text only.

There's too many rules for what's "acceptable"... do this, not this and to tell you the truth a lot of it is not me. I HATE games. I'm not a player so I'm not here to play games. I suck at mind games because I hate them and it just isn't me. Wait this long to text someone back, play hard to get, etc. Why is it desperate of me to text back when I get the message? Or else I'll forget and that's just rude. Maybe I want to answer.  Especially if I like a dude. Whatever.

Then there's the flirt. Texting can cause meaning to be lost. Are they going to get the context. Did that go to far. I mean I have a dirty mind and a twisted sense of humor. I'm always stressing about what message I'm sending The stress. Then there's the dating advice. So generalized yet specific. Not everyone is the same.

I'm just going to be myself and hope for the best. That's all I can do.

Here's a humorously accurate video about dating today.

https://youtu.be/tTT_hOUXMTo

I really need to get it together

I have been putting it off and off but really want to use this to chronicle. life stuff. I know its egotistical to think someone wants to read about my life shit in my minuscule web-corner of the inter-webs but maybe someone can relate. Maybe I'm not a mutant. I'm odd yes and maybe there is a nitch out there i can fit into and relate. Maybe. 

So I'm going to be posting my weight loss efforts, my social life musings (or lack thereof) and adventures in keeping my little humans alive and anything else. I love humorous stuff so I'll bring the funny. I'm funny, I swear!!

I'll start with a summary of whats been happening since I last posted.  Let's see Kennedie My youngest was 4 months old.. Fast forward.. I'm divorced since April (Long story for another time), Sold my house in Hampstead and moved back home. I moved back in with my parents for about a year and a half. We, my girls and I, moved into a nice neighborhood in a single family home. My girls are now 6 & 4 and the oldest is a girly girl drama queen. My youngest is a tomboy smart ass rebel. 

I lost my brother in Nov. 2014 to PTSD. I miss him greatly. I lost my uncle to cancer and he fought bravely for 8 years. He was so young and a friend to everyone. 

So it has been a busy 2 - 3 years. But I've definitely have come out stronger. I was one of the hardest time of my lives but I had my girls and they kept me going. They are the reason for everything. Also had an amazing family and friends who stuck by me. 

I'm a lucky blessed single mom of two.

BatMom! Because i'm awesome

First book review: Thoughtless by S.C. Stephens

3 Stars.. Book was well-written and kept you engaged. Characters were unrealistic and annoying.. can't say any of them had their priorities straight

Where do I start? Never have I been so annoyed with a main character. I can’t count how many times I rolled my eyes while reading this book. I couldn’t put it down and at the same time was looking forward to a conclusion. I kept putting myself in her position and while I empathized/understood her for a few seconds at first, I just couldn’t after a while and just wanted to shake and slap her after a while. Snap out of it Kiera! The author, S.C. Stevens knows how to write a drama plot. I was glued while I was hoping the events would go a different way. For plot and drama’s sake, I see why the author wrote it that way but If I were in her shoes the book would have ended differently. I just thought the main character was someone I wouldn’t be friends with. Why so many people liked her is beyond me. What a whiny crybaby. Was she Schizophrenic , narcissistic or had multiple personalities? I have never seen a person that had their head and heart totally detached from each other at crucial times. Was she in denial? One thing for sure she was so selfish and had no freaking backbone. What drove me crazy was that she admitted it a few times but still kept on her same self-destructive path. I wanted to scream through 75% of this book. I don’t think I can be in this girl’s head any more to read the second book. While the book was well-written I just don’t like the heroine at all. Usually I want to read on and on about a couple and live vicariously through them and don’t want a good book to end but I couldn’t wait for this book to end. It was too drawn out.

**SPOILER ALERT**

Team Denny!! I was all rooting for Denny most of the time. An Aussie accent and sentimental? Vs a man whore man candy in a band. No contest. While Denny was dumb to leave her alone for 2 months with a guy in a band good at charming the pants off women, but as soon as he came back I would have worked things out with him. Tell a woman you love her but leave her in a strange city for an indefinite amount of time to go on extended business travel and then make the decision to stay in far away city because you took a job offer without discussing it with your GF and sat on that info for several days. ...That was another thing. She just took him back no questions asked and kept on pining after Kellan and putting herself in bad situations.. As soon as he (Kellan) started being cold to her and while feeling guilty for hurting Denny I would have said “Forget him” but in more colorful words. If she was so miserable and conflicted and tempted to be around Kellan and Denny I, if in her shoes would have spoke up and moved out and quit my job. Focus on your relationship with beautiful Aussie. Why put yourself through that? Moreover, putting the ones you “love” through that? Her poor judgment and actions, especially in the second half of the book, was over-the-top selfish. I was starting to think her tears were an act and manipulative. I have never read a character or met a person that had their head and heart totally not communicating or she was utterly in denial. She drove me nuts. She wasn’t good enough for Denny. Denny did the right thing. My heart broke for Denny.

My reading addiction...

Has reached an all time high.  I used to hate to read. Even at the beach.  A book really had to grab me for me to finish but I would get distracted and take forever to finish a book. 

In 2007/2008, my friend got me to read the Twilight saga.  Then my mom got me into several hilarious books by Cathy Lamb.
In 2009, I was getting so annoyed with afternoon radio* on my long commute home (1.25 hrs each way at least) that I signed up for Audible**.  I loved audiobooks.  I got The Help,  The Shack,  Heaven is for Real, The Immortal life of Henrietta Lacks. Then I was introduced to this series I fell in love with by Janet Evanovich.  The Stephanie Plum series (Team Morrelli!). I finished 18 books in about a month. Then I got the Kindle Fire and fell  in love all over again.  Still use audible but I have read so many books since May.  Especially getting into the steamy love stories and trilogies.  Rich hot men with a past... can't get enough. But I read and listen to other stuff too. Listening to Area 51 on audible now.  It's getting so bad I often have two books going at once.  One on audible for the drive home and an e-book on my Fire.  I can't  get enough.  Before I'm done a book I am trying to decide what's next. 

I would get help but I don't want any.  I think it's a healthy habit exercising your brain. 

So many good books so little time and I want to share so that is where I got the idea to blog.  I don't like to write  reviews on sites  because usually the review form's text windows get on my nerves.

Please feel free to leave book recommendations here in the comments.  Enable me please.

*Note: I listen to 98Rock's MAS morning show so I am thoroughly entertained on my commute  to work. I highly recommend it. 

** Audible is Amazon's audiobook site and very affordable for a monthly subscription.  I highly recommend it.

Welcome...

Welcome to my revamped blog. My new little hobby.   I'm pretty average.Opinionated and extroverted. I live in a small quiet town in MD and I love it.  I am a mother of two beautiful little girls Reagan and Kennedie (yes I named my daughters that; no it's not political... they are two beautiful Irish names that just so happen to be two presidential names... but I digress).

I have a renewed interest in reading.  I love history, biographies, autobiographies, and steamy love stories especially the series.  Follow me in Goodreads.

I plan to blog about books,  current events,  parental interests, local events,  movies,  music,  inspirational stories, product  reviews,  Pinterest attempts good and bad and just things I find interesting.  I plan to keep things upbeat  and light-hearted.  Something positive in this chaotic world.  I am steering clear of politics  and controversial topics because I am tired of it and it gets old. 
I'm not a professional writer and not doing this for a grade.  Writing was never my strong suit  so no criticism in grammar. I am doing this like a journal. So don't get bunched if you are Type A over grammar.  You may have an anxiety attack over something.  Chill.
Please feel free to comment.  Please keep it respectable. Please remember that we are all different and if all agreed all the time, the world would be boring. If you wanna write something, email me.